All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
