If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
