You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
