He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize