Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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