i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
