I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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