It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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