apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
