Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
