No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found your dick twin last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
