Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
