a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
