I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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