i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
