The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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