He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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