I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
