At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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