is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
