when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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