Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
