So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
