no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
