Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize