break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
