You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
