she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
