He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
