I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
