You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
