I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize