a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
