ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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