This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
