Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
