Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
