So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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