You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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