I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
