3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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