Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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