I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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