she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
