Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
