I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
