I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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