He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
