Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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