She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
