Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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