My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
