Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
