Umm I'm too high to move.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You can't special order awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
