Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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