A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
