Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
