i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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