no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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