There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
