I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
