I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
