my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
