sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
