so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
50% drunk capacity currently
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
