We got so high we made milksteak
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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