idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
