I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
