I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
