Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
