Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
